Transport one, get one free

Code 3 for the fall.

Yet another cell phone warrior has called for the drunk regular sitting on the sidewalk. God damn people can’t seem to mind their own business. Only this time, the regular’s brother shows up and wants to ride with us to the hospital. I am, for reasons still unknown at this point, very irritated by the fact he wants to come with us, but agree to it anyway and throw them both in the back.

Meanwhile, he keeps talking about how his brother’s leg is hurting, despite the fact this dude’s leg has been hurting since the beginning of time and he has his cane with him, like it’s suddenly a concern worth anyone’s while. Should’ve told him to fuck off and take the bus if he wants to see his brother at the hospital.

Now the regular wants to pee. I tell him to hold his pee for the 5 minutes it takes to get to the hospital. He says he can’t. I lie about not having a urinal, knowing there is probably one somewhere in the ambulance. Of course it is somewhere visible, so the brother opens our cabinet to get it. The regular pees in it, and he only made enough to fill a tenth of the urinal.

“You can’t fucking hold that little pee? Jackass.”

Now we got pee sloshing around in a urinal. I guess it’s better than the usual pee-on-self-and-gurney-and-ambulance-floor routine.

As expected the ED staff takes one look at the regular and points us straight towards the lobby. Another nurse walks by.

“Hey, you’re not going to get bored waiting and check yourself in to be seen, right?” She says to the brother, who apparently is a regular himself.


“You’d better not.”

What a loser.

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