Cop: What are the terms of your probation?
Patient: Not to drink or go in a bar.
Cop: And anywhere near a bar. Where were you when this happened?
Patient: In a bar.
Cop: How many drinks did you have?
Patient: A couple of beers.
Cop: So do you understand what you’ve done wrong?
Patient: I was in a bar.
Cop: That’s right. And you drank.
Patient: But I didn’t do anything wrong. She hit me on the head with a beer bottle!
Cop: Yes you did. If you weren’t in the bar like the terms of your probation state, none of this would’ve happened.
Patient: BUT SHE HIT ME ON THE HEAD WITH A BOTTLE!
Cop: What are the conditions of your probation?
Patient: I can’t be in a bar.
Cop: So there it is. You were in a bar.
Patient: But I’m not an alcoholic!
Cop: Whoa whoa whoa, no one said you were. You’re just not allowed to be in a bar, period.
Patient: But she hit me!
At this point I kind of tune out, and I stare off into space. This conversation goes on for a few more minutes. Numbnuts here doesn’t get any wiser. The next thing I hear is the patient saying he doesn’t want medical treatment and the sound of the seat belts being unfastened. My partner doesn’t look up at all, and continues with her paperwork.
“OK, see ya.” She says, still writing.