Code 3 for the intoxicated subject.
The cops are on scene.
“We can’t take this guy to jail for sure.”
There’s a car with its driver door wide open, and a guy in his 20s is nearly naked with his jeans around his thighs, passed out. He is lying on the driver seat with his head resting on the center console and his legs resting on the ground outside of the car. There is a huge mound of moist, brown feces on the ground and a large puddle of vomit near his feet. Not totally unlike this.
“Why do I have to go to the hospital?”
“Dude, you’re lucky the cops are grossed out. This is an open-and-shut DUI. Just be quiet and get on the gurney and thank your lucky stars they don’t want to touch you.”
I doubt there is any person drunk enough to find him attractive.