I never learn

We’re on scene with a drunk guy who was assaulted.

“Hey, looooock my bike.”

It has a chain and a padlock.

“OK, where are the keys?”

He starts fumbling with his keys after he pulls them out of his pocket.

“Leeeet me shoooow you which one.”

“Gimme the keys. I can figure it out.”

I snatch them out of his hand. As soon as I do this, I know I’m about to fuck something up, because I’m an idiot. Anyone can confirm that.

I undo the padlock and the chain, and walk about 20 feet to a fence where the bike can be secured properly.

“Hey, where’s the padlock? I just had it.”

It looks like I dropped it somehow into the dry brush and gravel, which, of course, is roughly the same color as the padlock.

Now a half dozen responders are hunched over, pacing back and forth, looking for the padlock. For a good several minutes.

“You idiot. It’s here.”

There it was, hanging on a spoke. Probably slipped from my hand and landed perfectly.

That’s why I’m always careful about feeling smug – I always embarrass myself soon afterward.

It’s good customer service though. Chief Brunacini would be proud.

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