I will happily listen to you prattle on and on about the updates on the ever-changing guidelines, but please don’t use your 9 months of experience to question how I manage patients or insinuate that I’m doing things wrong.
And yes, I AM bored at this class. No shit, Sherlock. I’ve had 2 hours of sleep. I don’t want to be here, but it’s mandatory. You cover nothing interesting, nothing stimulating. I’m sitting next to non-EMS people who don’t know how to ask two consecutive assessment questions that make sense if their (and patients’) lives depended on them. You only have bits and pieces of equipment but you want me to use it like it’s a real call. Your “scenarios” are so ridiculously unrealistic and far-fetched they’re filed under “fiction” and they could only have been dreamed up by people who haven’t seen a real call. (Oh wait, that’s you.) Your stupid instructional videos are so fake even the bootleggers don’t want them. These guidelines will be customized months, if not years, later by local EMS agencies anyway before we’re even allowed to follow them, so these classes are basically worthless.
Have you ever run a “megacode” that is so neat and tidy? Rhythm changes perfectly lined up with each 2-minute cycle? Medications that always work? Such a clear-cut line between stable and unstable based on a single criterion? Well, no, because you really haven’t been to that many calls.
And fuck “team dynamics” and “constructive intervention” and all that other bullshit psychobabble. In the real world, when people depend on you, it’s, “Do your fucking job properly or I will send your stupid ass home.”
In fact, I’m straight up sick and tired of all of this shit known as BLS, ACLS, PALS, PEPP, BTLS, ITLS, PHTLS, AMLS and whatever other acronyms there are out there that represent each and every stupid class I have to sit through every 2 years simply because it’s required.
Don’t bother me. Leave me the fuck alone. And let us all out of here early.
My God… am I cranky.