Dear re-cert instructors

I will happily listen to you prattle on and on about the updates on the ever-changing guidelines, but please don’t use your 9 months of experience to question how I manage patients or insinuate that I’m doing things wrong.

And yes, I AM bored at this class. No shit, Sherlock. I’ve had 2 hours of sleep. I don’t want to be here, but it’s mandatory. You cover nothing interesting, nothing stimulating. I’m sitting next to non-EMS people who don’t know how to ask two consecutive assessment questions that make sense if their (and patients’) lives depended on them. You only have bits and pieces of equipment but you want me to use it like it’s a real call. Your “scenarios” are so ridiculously unrealistic and far-fetched they’re filed under “fiction” and they could only have been dreamed up by people who haven’t seen a real call. (Oh wait, that’s you.) Your stupid instructional videos are so fake even the bootleggers don’t want them. These guidelines will be customized months, if not years, later by local EMS agencies anyway before we’re even allowed to follow them, so these classes are basically worthless.

Have you ever run a “megacode” that is so neat and tidy? Rhythm changes perfectly lined up with each 2-minute cycle? Medications that always work? Such a clear-cut line between stable and unstable based on a single criterion? Well, no, because you really haven’t been to that many calls.

And fuck “team dynamics” and “constructive intervention” and all that other bullshit psychobabble. In the real world, when people depend on you, it’s, “Do your fucking job properly or I will send your stupid ass home.”

In fact, I’m straight up sick and tired of all of this shit known as BLS, ACLS, PALS, PEPP, BTLS, ITLS, PHTLS, AMLS and whatever other acronyms there are out there that represent each and every stupid class I have to sit through every 2 years simply because it’s required.

Don’t bother me. Leave me the fuck alone. And let us all out of here early.

My God… am I cranky.

7 thoughts on “Dear re-cert instructors”

  1. It could be worse, you could have sat throught the recert class and then two months later move out of state only to be told that they don’t care if your nremt and other state cards are only a few months old you have to take the class again, and you should be happy they don’t make you take the basic and paramedic course all over again!

  2. Some are more painful than others, but none are good. I don’t even enjoy teaching them all that much, either. All of these alphabet courses are just confirmation that EMS training in general is woefully inadequate. Everyone one of them, ACLS, PALS, ITLS, PHTLS, AMLS, ABLS, EIEIO, are intended to make up for the lack of content in EMT and paramedic training programs. Oh, and to make money for their sponsoring agencies.

  3. Wait… I think I’ve sat through this class, too.

    I think this is a topic we can all agree on. EMS training sucks. There’s limited accreditation, and even more limited acceptance of said accreditation (both for schools and instructors). Even then… the minimum requirements are so abysmally low, and there are so many people that obtain and maintain EMS certifications, even though they have no real desire to treat patients.

    My biggest issue, and I think this is the heart of the EMS 2.0 movement – while we see the problem, we don’t have any easy solutions.

  4. we get to take ours with nurses…and not even ER or ICU nures. my last class was with regular ol’ floor nurses, gen med, IM, etc. i loved it so freaking much! we just nudgee them in the right direction, like taking out the epi and laying it on the patient when it’s time to give it. some still didnt get it. man, that was a long class.

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