How to not piss off ED staff

After the second time in two years visiting the ED for very legitimate complaints, and being treated absolutely marvelously, I’d like to offer you a primer for surviving your ED visit without being asked to leave or escorted out by security.

1. Don’t go to the ED for bullshit, e.g. herpes, migraines, ‘flu, pregnancy test, anxiety attack, cut finger, med refill, etc.
2. Be polite.
3. Don’t complain that the wait is too long. (See #1.)
4. Say “please” and “thank you.” (Did we mention that already?)
5. Don’t insist that you “need something for pain.”
6. Don’t start a fight anywhere on hospital property.
7. Don’t bring weapons.
8. Or drugs.
9. Don’t fail to even make the slightest effort to be at least a marginal historian.
10. Don’t forget that there are always people who are sicker than you. (See #1.)
11. Don’t bring your entire family unless you’re about to die. (See #1.)
12. Don’t be upset if you get thrown into the waiting room even if you took an ambulance out of service for your bullshit. (See #1.)
13. Don’t be upset when you get called out on your bullshit.
14. Don’t pee on the floor.
15. Don’t poop on the floor.
16. Don’t vomit on the floor.
17. Don’t demand stuff if you’re a freeloader.
18. Don’t go back to the ED until you go to your follow-ups.

Random old posts:

• Basics #2
• Are all Europeans this nosy?
• Robbing Peter to pay Paul
• EMS truism #3
• Is this a step up from coprophilia or down?