Just what the dentist ordered

Code 3 for toothache. Thanks to MPDS, I’m sure it was Code 3 because the caller said he was short of breath since he was in so much pain, increasing it from 26A to 26D.

We’re driving Code 2. Fuck off.

Anyway, enough nerd stuff.

Campus police meets us as we all get on the elevator leading to the upper floors of the dorms.



“Hey, can I borrow your gun?”

“Let’s use the baton first.”

We knock on the door. We’re super happy right now since it’s well past midnight.

A grown-ass student in his 20s opens the door. He is flat-out crying like a little bitch.

“I need an ambulance!”


“I have a toothache. I need a fucking ambulance!”

“Then you need a dentist tomorrow morning, not an ambulance.”*

“I’m fucking in pain!”

“Toothaches hurt. But the hospitals around here don’t have dentists, and I don’t know a single dentist who works the graveyard shift.”


I shove a finger in his face, “WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE! I said, go see a dentist tomorrow!”

He takes a step back, startled. He continues to whine and cry. He apparently has Percocets because a dentist told him 5 days ago he needed a root canal.

“So you’ve already been told why you have pain and what needs to happen. Go see a dentist tomorrow so the proper person can fix your problem.”

“I don’t have time tomorrow! I got things to do! I need to go to the hospital now!”

“You have things to do? Then don’t complain that no one took care of your toothache. You did nothing about it for 5 days. Man up, stop crying, and get your priorities straight. You can’t call us out here in the middle of the night if you’re not willing to go to the dentist like you’ve been told. We’re leaving.”

The sergeant smiled at us, “We’ll handle this.”

*Google “emergency room” and “dentist,” and you’ll get a slew of results on how there is an increasing number of people who think the ED is the appropriate place for cavities.

4 thoughts on “Just what the dentist ordered”

  1. My book and my latest article are the perfect complements to this!!!!

    Look for my book, “Yes, I Know You’re Dying” and my article on the ridiculous concept of customer service in healthcare called “May I Supersize Your Healthcare Today?”

  2. The ED I worked in actually *did* have a dentist on call for dental emergencies! Though they had to be actual emergencies before he came in. We basically didn’t call him unless someone was bleeding and the suturing was beyond what the ED doc could do. Cavities, scheduled root canals, all that jazz, forget it.

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