Big talkers

A bit like the people who like to claim to be veterans, in particular Navy SEALs, there are plenty of posers amongst us here in the world of emergency services.

As a quick example of the typical spiel, consider what a know-it-all ACLS or PALS (I really don’t remember, or care) re-cert instructor said one day:

“I used to run so many calls in [insert busy, violent urban area], and that’s how we did things.”

“Um, no, you were on permanent disability when I started at the same place, and that was [insert a long time] ago. People tell me you worked maybe 6 months.”

As someone with a fair amount of time in the same position at the same agency who doesn’t really “network” with every single person, I often get to work with newer, much newer people, whose eyes I can feel sizing me up the instant they show up to work, wondering if they have time on me, since I have always kept a low profile. It’s kinda fun to let them think I’m new, which is really not that hard, since I say little, and look neither salt and pepper nor physically imposing. Sometimes I finish the shift without giving anything away.

They confidently probe, “How long have you worked here?”

“[Insert a long time].”

Awkward! Now shut up and drive! And drive smoothly. And don’t get lost. And don’t disturb me with diarrhea of the mouth while I read. And keep that fucking music down.

Which brings me to my favorites – people who like to claim more years than they really have, and the EMTs who like to claim to be medics.

Even though I may not talk to everyone, our world is very small, everyone knows someone, and there are no secrets like that, silly. For God’s sake, seniority lists are posted on the stupid bulletin boards just behind you. I’m dumb, but I’m not that dumb that I can’t match your ID badge to something on those lists.

Christ.

One thought on “Big talkers”

  1. I know one of those. I call him fake Marine. He also claims to be with Homeland Security and at times a secret agent. When I first started he claimed to have been in EMS for 30 years. That meant he started around the same time as Johnny and Roy and at the ripe age of 15. Now I’ve been in this for 11 years and he’s still celebrating his 30th. Maybe someday it will actually be. He’s told his students that the fiercest fighting he ever saw as a Marine was in France. I don’t know which is worse the lie or the fact that his students don’t know when WWII happened, though probably the worst thing would be that he actaully has students.

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