A Tale of Two Civvies*

Code 3 for man down.

It’s a drunk, as usual. The office workers who called it in meet us outside. We take him to the most inappropriate place on Earth, the ED.

“Thanks, guys. You are very much appreciated.”

“No problem.”

Several hours later…

Code 3 for woman down.

“RP is refusing to approach the subject.”

Whatever. That’s standard. That’s why these fucking cell phone warriors/passers-by call all the time.

A woman approaches as we arrive.

“I called. She’s over there.”

We wake this drunk woman up. Apparently not that drunk because she screams that she’s “a taxpayer” and we are harassing her.

We shoo her off, and she walks off without any difficulty. It’s the most appropriate course of action, the complete opposite of transporting her to the ED. Around here, the cops and the jail aren’t that interested in drunks anyway. We also make her put her now-empty bottle in the recycling bin. That’s a nice touch.

The woman who called walks over, and rudely gestures for us to come to her with one finger.

“You guys are going to let her go?”

“Yes, ma’am, she wants nothing to do with us.”


Are you new to this world? Or this neighborhood, for that matter? Why don’t you let her sleep at your house?

“It’s a free country. She’s not that drunk, and she has as much a right to choose how she lives as you do.”

This woman rudely makes some weird waving gesture with both her arms and walks away.

Oh my, when you have no class, you have no class.

“You’re welcome.”

*Yes, I know, if you want to nitpick, it actually is slang for civilian clothes, not civilians. But then the pun wouldn’t work.

2 thoughts on “A Tale of Two Civvies*”

  1. Back when you could get away with this sort of thing I suggested to a concerned citizen that I’d wait on the corner with the homeless guy while she go her car. I’d even help load him into the car so she could take him home. Of course now I’d be in trouble for my inappropriate comments.

    Two years later, “Down and Out in Beverly Hills” came out.

    I’ve often suggested that a $100.00 surcharge be put on a cell phone callers 9-1-1- calls. The fee could be refunded if the emergency responders said that it was actually an emergency.

    No one takes me seriously.

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