Dear bystanders, passers-by, family members, friends, etc.,
We know this usually isn’t an everyday occurrence for you. We know this may be the most excitement you’re going to see this year. And we know you just really want to help, which is why all of you want to chime in. Usually all at once.
Even without your jibber-jabber, there is already enough noise and other hubbub on scene, and none of that is helping my raging headache.
Here’s the thing… We really don’t care what you heard while you were in the other room. We don’t care what you think happened. We don’t care what you heard from that other guy, or your neighbor, or your cousin, or the voices in your head, or even your cat. We don’t care what your son told your daughter before she told her boyfriend before he told his auntie before she told you.
If you were not present at the event and did not see what happened with your own two eyes, then you and your open mouths are, as historians, useless to us, and thus, wasting our time.
So, if you really want to help, please just be quiet. Silence is golden. Clearing the clutter, moving the car out of the driveway, locking up the barking dog, turning off the TV, putting out your cigarettes, shutting up the kids, silencing those phones, getting the medical cards, gathering the medications – none of those helpful actions requires the use of your mouth.