Bad people do bad things

A man is handcuffed, face-down, in the middle of the road. There is a big pile of feces* several feet away.

There is absolutely no way that the poo is a coincidence.

Meanwhile, the man clearly does not want to lie on his back.

“I shit my pants, man.”

Later on, I’m cleaning up the cop who chased this bad guy down. We’re doing the usual emergency service chitchat.

“What kind of bad guy is he?”

“He’s had a felony warrant for beating up a woman for more than a year.”

“So… what’s up with the poo?”

“Some guys are known to actually hold their shit in case of foot pursuits ’cause they know cops don’t really want to touch them.”


This is someone’s worst nightmare.

“I mean, we’re both running full speed down the road and this guy literally turns his head to yell back at me, ‘I’m taking a shit!’**”

“Fucking disgusting. Not that it was intentional, but I’m glad we rolled him onto his back and now he has to sit in his own shit all the way to the hospital then.”


“Do you think that’s more disgusting than eating puke to get to pill fragments?”

“Who fucking knows…”

*I totally was going to get a picture of poo and use it as the feature image for this post. But I changed my mind. You’re welcome.
**Bad people, why all the asshole-related issues?

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