Code 3 for man down.
We find the guy, on a different street. He is prone on the sidewalk in a parking lot. The entire back of his pants are wet, from belt to cuffs. He is very nice.
“What are you doing?”
“I had an accident. I shit all over myself. I drank too much.”
“Can you stand?”
“Yeah, but I don’t really want to. I’m waiting to dry off*.”
“Sure, sure. But I have to make sure you can walk before we leave you here. Plus, if you stay on the ground like this, people are just going to call again.”
He pushes off the ground like he’s doing a push-up followed by a plank, and stays there. I should have just stopped him right there. I mean, he’s obviously not that unreliably drunk if he can actually hold his position like that.
He gets to his feet and straightens his legs. What looks like chocolate milk POURS down the inside of his pant legs and down into his shoes and onto the ground.
It may be the grossest thing I have seen in a while.