She’s still pretending to be dead

Echo for unconscious, not breathing.

“M12, your patient is now breathing.”

In other words, she was never not breathing.

A Spanish-speaking woman in her 60s is lying on the floor with pillows under her head. Looks like a duck, swims¬†like a duck…

Her family – and there are a lot of them – says that there was a “heated” discussion before the woman sat on the couch and stopped talking.

“We got scared and thought she wasn’t breathing.”

I can see why the American Heart Association stopped asking people to check breathing. Apparently no one knows what breathing looks like even though everyone knows how to breathe.

The woman is still feigning unresponsiveness. I’m completely over it. Check that – I was over it when the “now breathing” update came earlier.

“What hospital?” I lazily ask.

“Does she need to go to the hospital?”

There is no question that sets me off more in these situations – you know, dumbshit psych/anxiety/drama calls that seem to always involve chest pain/shortness of breath/unresponsiveness. Obviously she doesn’t need the fucking hospital. But, (a) she’s still pretending to be dead*, and (b) for such stupidity they should be inconvenienced a little. Besides, it’s not like they have such important matters as curing cancer to get back to. If someone¬†is doing anything important, usually s/he doesn’t let some idiotic drama interrupt.

“You cannot call 911 and tell us someone’s dead so we drop everything to rush over here and then when we get here say everything’s fine and you don’t need to go to the hospital. This is not how it works.”

“We were just scared.”

“Well, she’s still pretending to be dead. So tell her to knock it off and get on the gurney!”

*I just love how even old people are so fucking immature

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