Nut in charge of nuts

Code 3 for suicidal subject. It’s 3am.

We arrive at the residential psychiatric program. Same place as the other night, but different staff. Obviously the B-team.

“She left already.”

“Huh?”

“We put her on a psych hold and called for a private ambulance.”

“So why are we here?”

“She was tired of waiting and called 911.”

“Let me guess – it probably took no more than an hour.”

“Less.”

“So it’s like people calling 911 from the ER waiting room.”

<Silence>

“And you did nothing to stop her from calling 911.”

“They have their own cell phones and we can’t really take them away.”

“You do realize how stupid this sounds right now, no?”

“We’re not supposed to handle their private property.”

“You really think that’s a super-critical policy that you should totally follow without question?”

<Blank stare>

“And once the ambulance came and left, you didn’t think it’d be a good idea to call 911 back and cancel us?”

“Sorry.”

I’ve noticed that the nut houses tend to be staffed by other nuts.

As I’ve said before, with all due sympathy to psychiatric problems, as far as EMERGENCY medical services are concerned, fuck psych calls and psych facilities. All of them. As much as we don’t know about suicide and why so many seemingly fortunate people quietly and unexpectedly choose suicide, I know one thing – all these attention-seeking “I wanna kill myself” calls can be handled by a pat-down and a van with child locks. Sending a 911 ambulance for these calls is like burning down your house because you saw a hairy spider. Anything less than an actual self-harm call with an actual injury or overdose or whatever, we should not be responding to them. Period.

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