Code 3 for shortness of breath because of a “toxic smell outside.” It is of course past midnight.

“It’s a skunk, ma’am.”

“Are you sure? It smells like a meth lab.”

“Uh, do you even know what a meth lab smells like? Because I don’t. And this is skunk.”

“My neighbor was hospitalized because she’s very sensitive to the smell.”

“I highly doubt that. Good night.”

So we get another call from a different address in the neighborhood.

“You call about a smell? It’s skunk.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“It absolutely is a skunk.”

“That skunk needs to drink more water.”

“Umm, that’s got nothing to do with it.”

And then one more call from one more address because I have nothing better than to catch some sleep after 17 hours on duty. I sure hope no one comes down with ventricular fibrillation in this district because we are obviously very busy investigating such huge emergencies as skunk calls.

“Do you realize you’ve just called 911 for skunk?”

“It smells like burning plastic.”

“No it doesn’t. It’s skunk.”

“It’s really strong. I’ve never smelled it like this. It really stinks!”

“Do you even know why skunks stink?”

People are REALLY fucking stupid.

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