All posts by medic

You said it

Code 3 for seizure. I recognize this address.

A tough-looking, tattooed man in his 30s is on the kitchen floor, not responsive, and not for the first time. His girlfriend tells us, also not for the first time, that he has pseudoseizures and PTSD after being beaten up some time ago.

We go through the usual dog and pony show of an assessment.

I’m totally on autopilot and I don’t even think about word choice before I casually ask, “So, ma’am, what other medical problems does he have besides fake seizures?”

“He doesn’t fake seizures!”

“You just said he has pseudoseizures.”

“Yeah.”

“That is LITERALLY what ‘pseudoseizures’ means.”

Another example of how NOT to park

I know it’s just a commercial, but still, that is a completely nonsensical park job. PD too. I’ve already covered this before in a previous post, so I’m not going to repeat myself.

Good Practice (a parody of Green Day’s “Good Riddance”)

Must-see for all health care providers. Need I say more?

Exercise(s) #2: Neck

Most neck exercises and stretches are focused only on the neck and I don’t think they really help me.

Try these instead:

(Credit: Maryann Berry)

Exercise #1: Low back

Hello fellow back/neck pain sufferers, aka all EMS personnel,

Here are some exercises that I’ve found useful after a lifetime of lifting abnormally large people.

(Credit: Dr. Mike Wasilisin)

Remember, ABC. Not Airway, Breathing, Circulation. Ambulate Before Carry.

Medic

I know you can open your legs

Code 3 for pregnant female whose water broke.

We walk all the way around to the back house. Two toddlers are asleep in the only bed in the house, on either side of a pregnant woman, whose pinkish water is gushing through her underwear onto the bed. Totally gross.

I cut the sides of her panties and try to spread her legs to check for crowning. Third pregnancy, broken water – I can’t believe there are people who still don’t LOOK. She resists, trying to keeping her legs together. I have no idea why. You call me – I’m going to see what your problem is and manage it, and that includes those parts between your legs.

“Oh NOW you can’t open your legs?”

Things people who were involved in traffic collisions say (and what they really mean)

There are only a handful of things we actually hear at wrecks.

“He came out of nowhere!”
Reality: “I didn’t see him because I wasn’t paying enough attention.”

“She stopped all of a sudden!”
Reality: “I didn’t follow at a safe distance. I also wasn’t paying enough attention.”

“He was going really fast!”
Reality: “I didn’t see him because I wasn’t paying enough attention.”
Also, he wasn’t really going that fast. I can see the scratch on the car.

“I wasn’t going that fast.”
Reality: “I was going far too fast before I lost control in the rain because I wasn’t paying enough attention.”

“Is she drunk?”
Reality: “I know I’m totally at fault because I wasn’t paying enough attention but I’m trying to blame the other driver.”
Also, no.

“I only had 2 beers.”
Reality: “I had more than 2 beers. Also, I wasn’t paying enough attention because it’s hard to pay attention after drinking more than 2 beers.”

“The sun was in my eyes.”
Reality: “The sun was in my eyes and I didn’t bother to slow down.”