A tough-looking, tattooed man in his 30s is on the kitchen floor, not responsive, and not for the first time. His girlfriend tells us, also not for the first time, that he has pseudoseizures and PTSD after being beaten up some time ago.
We go through the usual dog and pony show of an assessment.
I’m totally on autopilot and I don’t even think about word choice before I casually ask, “So, ma’am, what other medical problems does he have besides fake seizures?”
We walk all the way around to the back house. Two toddlers are asleep in the only bed in the house, on either side of a pregnant woman, whose pinkish water is gushing through her underwear onto the bed. Totally gross.
I cut the sides of her panties and try to spread her legs to check for crowning. Third pregnancy, broken water – I can’t believe there are people who still don’t LOOK. She resists, trying to keeping her legs together. I have no idea why. You call me – I’m going to see what your problem is and manage it, and that includes those parts between your legs.