Code 2 for not feeling good. At a street corner. Late at night.
We don’t see anyone on the corner, or any of the other 3 corners.
“Alright, I guess just come around the block, take another look, and call it good.”
We nearly get a full block away when some guy on a front porch waves at us.
“Shit, it’s the goof house.”
Of course. It’s a nut at the nut house. Who can’t even get the location right. He was the one who called. He’s in his mid-20s.
“I don’t feel good.”
“OK. I don’t see you shaking.”
“I have a headache.”
“So do I, thanks to you.”
“I feel like I’m going to die.”
“I’m going to tell you right now that you are not going to die.”
“But I’m scared that I’m dying.”
“You ain’t dying.”
“You want to hurt yourself?”
“How long have you been sad?”
“Oh dear lord.”
A staff member comes out.
“I didn’t even know he called you.”
“He wants to go to the hospital.”
“He has that right.”
“Yeah, but is it appropriate?”
It’s stunning that this staff person actually said no. She’s over-qualified for this position.
“He said he doesn’t feel good. For a month.”
“First I’ve heard of it. The doctor and the psychiatrist come every other day.”
“So we can leave him here with you?”
“Alright dude, go back to bed.”
“You’re supposed to be the ambulance!”
“And you’re supposed to be staying here with these nice folks and following their directions and not sneaking out of the house and calling 911 for no reason.”
“But my knee hurts!”
“OK, man, now you’re getting into the nonsense territory. In fact, I’m pretty sure you’re just making stuff up at this point. No one at the ER is going to actually do anything for you. Let me go further and go out on a limb here and tell you that I’m certain they don’t want to see you. And not to mention how unhappy they will be with both you and me, not that I care much how they feel about me. But you, my friend, you don’t want them to be unhappy with you. My suggestion is you get a good night’s sleep and listen to these people here.”
No one called us back from that address for the rest of the night.