Tag Archives: drama

Nope

Code 3 for fall/ETOH/back pain. It’s 4am and this Saturday night is just not getting any shorter.

I can hear the wailing as I climb up the stairs to the run-down apartment complex. This is going to be a bunch of bullshit.

Dirty apartment. Several children. No one sleeping.

“Hello, ma’am.”

“I fell and my back hurts.”

“I smell a lot of alcohol. Did you have a good night?”

Just trying to break the ice. Even at 4am. Your friendly neighborhood paramedic.

“I had a great night. Not that great after I got home.”

So she fell against a bookcase against the wall from a standing position. Fall is a really strong word for this from what they’re describing; more like backed into the bookcase. I inspect the undamaged bookcase. I look at her back. There is a little red mark on her back. She says her back hurts all over. Including the spine. Great. Huge emergency as usual.

“What hospital you want to go to?”

“I don’t want to go.”

“What? So why are we here then?”

At this moment it’s still a sincere and reasonable question.

“I called you guys,” her son speaks up.

“What for?”

Still sincere.

“I was scared. So I called 911 like I’m supposed to.”

Not sure where he got this fine piece of advice.

“Not necessarily. So what can we do for you then?”

Now it’s rhetorical.

“I thought you were going to help her.”

Help her with what exactly?

“We are. You call us, we take her to the hospital. That’s how it works.”

Like I’m going cut refusal paperwork on a drunk moron who fell down and has spine pain.

“OK,” the woman agrees to the transport surprisingly quickly. Thank god.

“I’m glad you’ve agreed, ma’am. Thank you.”

Much easier this way.

She is strapped to the longboard. This immobilization shit cannot go away soon enough. Fucking administrators and desk jockeys have no spine. (Oh hey, that’s a pun.)

“You’re an asshole,” the son bravely states, probably with some liquid courage.

“What’s that?”

Of course I heard him the first time.

“I’m sorry, but you’re an asshole.”

I love how people are just brave enough to insult us but not brave enough to leave out the qualifier.

Now 6 of us are no longer looking at the patient and are slowly closing in on him in this small apartment. The rest of his relatives and/or friends watch silently. Wise move, unlike numbnuts here.

“You don’t get to call us names. Especially at 4 in the morning. What makes me an asshole?”

He’s beginning to realize his mistake as our shadows grow on him.

“I, I don’t mean all of you. Just him. When he, uh, asked why we called.”

Still closing in on him.

“She didn’t want to go to the hospital. You wanted her to go. I talked her into going. She’s going now. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“You didn’t have to be a dick,” he weakly insists.

“Alright dude, you got the result you wanted. Think about that.”

I stop advancing and remember that I just want this call over as soon as possible so we can all go back to sleep. We all stand down.

Since I’m such an asshole, we carry her down the stairs on the longboard. More unnecessary strain on our backs. The female EMT mumbles under her breath on the way down, “I guess we’re not taking any riders.”

We load the patient in the ambulance.

“Can I go with her?”

Wow, this guy is really an idiot.

“Nope.”

“Called it,” says the female EMT with a big grin.

Body Cam 1, Foul-Mouthed Woman 0

In this week’s Chest Cam Chronicles, a Fairfield, California boy was left sleeping in his car before it was stolen. His parents called police for help. And then they said the police were mean to them while they were generally unhelpful toward the police.

How many more times is Suge Knight going to go to the hospital?

That’s strange – rappers seem so tough in their videos.

This was Knight’s 5th trip to the hospital since he was arrested. I’m sure they were all legit.

I have been to WAY too many bullshit courthouse calls.

Stop whining

The big news going around today is an Anne Arundel County, Maryland, dispatcher is facing termination because he told a 13-year-old girl to “stop whining” (audio included) after a hit-and-run driver killed her father and injured his fiancée.

I’m certainly not saying he couldn’t have handled it a little better, but did everyone forget that his primary task here is to find out what happened and where it happened? It’s obvious that it’s a legitimate emergency. It’s obvious the caller is having some trouble providing an accurate location. It’s obvious the caller is upset. It’s obvious it’s a difficult call to take.

If you can do better spending most of your shift talking to difficult callers, step up. Any dispatcher will tell you callers themselves say way worse things than “stop whining” to them every other minute.

So he didn’t have the best bedside manner. So he didn’t choose his words a little better.

Save the outrage for something else. Like the anti-vaxxers. Or this insane anti-vaxxer book for kids.

Then go

Code 3 for this at 6 in the morning:

MALE CALLED THEN SAID HE WAS TAKING HIS SON TO THE HOSP…HUNG UP
CALLED RP BACK…
MALE WON’T GIVE INFO ABOUT SON OTHER THAN HIS LIPS WERE CHANGING COLOR
HE LEFT THE PHONE LINE OPEN……YELLED “I DON’T HAVE TIME TO TALK TO YOU, I HAVE TO GO!”
AMB — C3
AMB EVENT NUMBER — 251

Who the fuck do I have to slap for this dispatch? The dispatchers? The managers? The EMS oversight agency? Why the fuck is any unit even dispatched to this shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah – “Because we have to.”

Fuck off.

Any why the fuck did this motherfucker even call 911? Is he going to call when he’s going to the grocery store too?

Disposition: Gone on arrival.

Sgt. Jim Parker is my new idol ***UPDATED

Actress Daniele Watts was detained along with her boyfriend Brian Lucas for refusing to identify herself after someone called 911 to report “two people having sex in a car” a couple of weeks ago. By now, pretty much everyone knows that she then pulled not just the race card, but also the fame card, on LAPD Sgt. Jim Parker, and generally behaved like a spoiled child, ranting and raving in a way all too familiar to any emergency service personnel, unnecessarily prolonging what would have been a 2-minute contact 12 times over and ruining the sergeant’s original plan to get some coffee.

Lucas, on the other hand, appeared very chill and basically ended the cops’ interest in him by being, let’s just say, uninteresting and, therefore, unsuspicious.

I actually listened – and cringed – to the entire 24-minute audio clip of the LAPD response. I don’t have much personal interest in this whole kerfuffle, but I do realize one thing: I do not have anywhere near the unbelievable patience that Sgt. Parker has, and it’s a good thing I’m not a cop. I even recognize in his voice that very unique blend of restraint, bemusement, fatherly indulgence, sarcasm, passive-aggression and resignation that only other emergency responders can understand.

Since this happened so soon after the Oakland, California incident, it really has not been a good month for embellishing your racial profiling claims. I get it – no one likes cops, but claiming a bunch of stuff that is practically the opposite of what is recorded generally isn’t such a good idea.

After the usual did-she-or-did-she-not-have-to-show-identification in the media, this being America, a country where something as simple as identifying yourself to law enforcement during questioning routinely becomes as complicated as humanly possible, the legal people still can’t agree on anything.

Meanwhile, in typical chickenshit management mode, the LAPD is investigating the incident even though no one, as of this writing, has filed a formal complaint.

It is endlessly funny to me that, as a law-abiding member of society with things to do, someone would actually rather be detained for 24 minutes than 2 just to be a martyr. A bit like the way someone would rather sit in line in the cash lanes of a toll road than zip through electronic toll collection just because s/he doesn’t “want the gubmint to know where” s/he’s going.

Finally, in an amazingly unusual move, local civil rights leaders totally sided with the cops and asked Watts to apologize, and, in a totally expected move, Watts refused.

***Update #1: Daniele Watts has been ordered to apologize in writing to Sgt. Jim Parker.

***Update #2: Daniele Watts couldn’t even write two sincere, mature apologies to Sgt. Jim Parker.

FAQ #4

Q: What do you enjoy least about your job?

A: Since there is absolutely no one in society I don’t deal with, I am pretty much disappointed by everyone in general and by humanity as a whole.