Difference in word order

Good day: Eat lunch without interruption, get coffee, run some good, legitimate calls. You know, help some people who truly need help.

“I can’t believe we actually get paid to do this. This is pretty cool.”

Bad day: No food the whole day, get up 5 times after midnight, run dumbshit vomitings, anxiety attacks, psych holds, drunks, drug rehab don’t-feel-goods, insuritis neck pain. You know, babysit some dipshit whiners who need nothing but a slap upside the head.

“I can’t believe we get paid to actually do this. This is fucking bullshit.”

The difference between being helpful and just plain nosy

Code 3 for fall. On a bus.

As usual, there is never anything serious involving the words “fall” and “bus.”

Call notes:



This Mandarin-speaking woman keeps apologizing to me in broken English, saying she’s fine. She shows me some minor abrasions on her arm. She just wants to be on her way but the first bus driver called 911 and apparently refused to let her board.

And then a second bus driver called 911 again. He also apparently refused to let her board. Since she’s clearly not obviously injured, he must have heard about this via his bus radio. This bus agency sure has some great training.

As if that wasn’t enough, all the helpful nosy civilians at the bus stop keep pointing out to me that she also scraped her knee, including one man who actually interrupts me to point to her knee.

“She said she’s fine,” staring him down as he figures out my back-the-fuck-off look.

“I guess everyone here thinks a scrape is a huge deal.”

I ask her to show me her knee and, of course, just like her arm, it’s fine.

Thanks to all involved, she just spent nearly 20 minutes on a response no one needed to go on, and she missed at least 2 buses.

The next bus arrives, and, thoroughly embarrassed by all the unsolicited attention, she scurries onto it before anyone else unnecessarily prolongs her day.

On a personal note, some time ago I was walking to the grocery store on a day off, and I came across an old woman who tripped. I asked her if she was OK like a fucking sociable human being and helped her to her feet after she answered in the affirmative. I then watched for a few seconds to verify that she could walk steadily. I did not call 911.

Sgt. Jim Parker is my new idol

Actress Daniele Watts was detained along with her boyfriend Brian Lucas for refusing to identify herself after someone called 911 to report “two people having sex in a car” a couple of weeks ago. By now, pretty much everyone knows that she then pulled not just the race card, but also the fame card, on LAPD Sgt. Jim Parker, and generally behaved like a spoiled child, ranting and raving in a way all too familiar to any emergency service personnel, unnecessarily prolonging what would have been a 2-minute contact 12 times over and ruining the sergeant’s original plan to get some coffee.

Lucas, on the other hand, appeared very chill and basically ended the cops’ interest in him by being, let’s just say, uninteresting and, therefore, unsuspicious.

I actually listened – and cringed – to the entire 24-minute audio clip of the LAPD response. I don’t have much personal interest in this whole kerfuffle, but I do realize one thing: I do not have anywhere near the unbelievable patience that Sgt. Parker has, and it’s a good thing I’m not a cop. I even recognize in his voice that very unique blend of restraint, bemusement, fatherly indulgence, sarcasm, passive-aggression and resignation that only other emergency responders can understand.

Since this happened so soon after the Oakland, California incident, it really has not been a good month for embellishing your racial profiling claims. I get it – no one likes cops, but claiming a bunch of stuff that is practically the opposite of what is recorded generally isn’t such a good idea.

After the usual did-she-or-did-she-not-have-to-show-identification in the media, this being America, a country where something as simple as identifying yourself to law enforcement during questioning routinely becomes as complicated as humanly possible, the legal people still can’t agree on anything.

Meanwhile, in typical chickenshit management mode, the LAPD is investigating the incident even though no one, as of this writing, has filed a formal complaint.

It is endlessly funny to me that, as a law-abiding member of society with things to do, someone would actually rather be detained for 24 minutes than 2 just to be a martyr. A bit like the way someone would rather sit in line in the cash lanes of a toll road than zip through electronic toll collection just because s/he doesn’t “want the gubmint to know where” s/he’s going.

Finally, in an amazingly unusual move, local civil rights leaders totally sided with the cops and asked Watts to apologize, and, in a totally expected move, Watts refused.

You call, we haul. Now get in the friggin' ambulance.

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